8/31/07So some days have a theme. Just like
Sesame Street
has a number of the day or a word of the day. Today the theme seems to be poop. When I was a kid, my brothers and I used to listen to a record that my parents had called “Why is there Air?” It was the audio of Bill Cosby’s stand up. There is a segment when he talks about how when babies are born, you’re so excited about the little pooh and it is such a cute little pooh and there is no smell to the little pooh. Then something happens, and all of a sudden, parents pay each other to change a poopy diaper. My brothers and I used to laugh about it, but I never really got it…until now. From the moment you have kids, sane people become obsessed with pooh. Sometimes, you’re waiting on a poop and you’re wondering if this is just a normal skipped day… or will baby need some flax seed oil and some help…or will it go to four days…then baby poops! YEAH! You cheer like your kid just won a gold medal…well, at least like he just won a spelling bee. Well, this morning both my boys gave me big poops before 8am. I thought to myself, this is going to be a good day! I used to have good hair days or skinny jean days…now I have successful pooping days. I know that I am obsessed with poop because a friend of mine told me today that she might get two kittens and I found it important to remind her about how much two cats can poop. Is that really the appropriate response? Not for a sane person. Sane people say “oooh, kittens are so cute” or “what are you going to name them?” Parents (aka insane people) calculate the poop to benefit ratio. In addition, I’m sorry to say, Jack managed to grab some poop today. Here’s the story that only another parent can understand… I needed to go to the bank this morning to deposit some checks. In order to deposit checks you have to sign the checks, put them on the deposit slip and add up the total. Seems simple enough, right? Whenever a parent needs to do a seemingly simple task like this, a child’s “mischiefsensor” starts to blink. The “mischiefsensor” is located on a child’s chest, right between their nipples. Where a third nipple would likely be if your child has a third nipple. (mine do not have third nipples) Jack was playing happily next to the couch with his drum while I quickly made out my deposit slip, etc. I could see him with my peripheral vision. He was happy as can be. I could hear the drum, see the movement. However, Jack is apparently ambidextrous and has a good amount of rhythm because he was able to continue pounding the mallet on the drum with one hand, while he reached over and took the poopy diaper I was so proud of out of the garbage bag. He apparently gave the diaper a quick shake and had his very own modeling clay. He at least chose his own diaper and not George’s. I looked down and he was still pounding on the drum. He had the diaper hidden behind him and the poop clenched in his fist. (I didn’t see it.) Then he started to crawl and I noticed that he had something in his hand. He saw me coming and started his super speed crawl. He looked like a three legged dog trying to crawl on one hand and one fist away from me. I picked him up and he tried to stick his fist in his mouth. Ahhhh.. Don’t worry, I caught him in time. How does this happen to a Mom who is so crazy about this kind of stuff? I have come up with three things that I did wrong: 1) I forgot to bring the poopy diaper bag out of the play room right away, 2) I can’t add fast enough, 3) Peripheral vision is pretty much useless when 1 year olds are this sneaky. So this is my poopy day so far. I expect for there to be bird poop on my windshield and to step in dog poop at some point today to make the day complete.
Posted: September 26th, 2008 under Old entries.
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